Human Sandwich

Rafael Flores

Human Sandwich, Digital photograph, 24 x 36 cm

Interview by C. VanWinkle
June 19, 2023

We should start at the beginning. What was the prompt that you responded to?

It was a digital image of a sandwich. It looked like two pieces of raw meat stacked on top of a clear coating kind of thing. And it's titled “Sandwich.” I was a little confused, but I immediately thought of bodies because we're all meat.

I agree. We’re all just meat. How did you get started on your own piece?

I did some research and looked up metaphors for sandwiches in terms of life. I'm surprised I found anything at all, but I actually found a lot of interesting things. There was one about layers that I liked. A sandwich has many layers to it, and it's all formed together to create something new and delicious. Over the past few years, I’ve been taking risks with my art. During lockdown, I couldn’t see anyone, but I still wanted to shoot. So that’s when I became a self-portrait artist. And it was only as of the last year or two that I started doing more nude self-portraits, something I never would have done three or four years ago. And it's kind of paid off because ever since I started doing that, I've created some really cool pieces. At least, I think they're cool.

The two gray versions of me in my image represent an old me, someone who wasn't really a risk-taker. And they’re bonding with the new me, the colored me. They're all together because, you know, they were one being at one point. I wanted to basically say that without my past selves, I wouldn't have become the person that I am today. I've taken risks not only in my art, but in life in general, and thanks to that, I have become a better and more confident version of myself.

Wow, that really resonates with me. With a lot of people, I’d imagine. I think sometimes about how my past selves were limited in ways that I’m not limited anymore. Did you typically take photos of other people before the pandemic?

I have. I went to school for photography and a lot of my assignments were portrait-based, so I would photograph people. But I'm very shy, as you can tell. So I’ve always steered away from doing that, even though I've had people message me and tell me, “Hey, I want to do a shoot with you.” I was actually talking about this with someone recently, and I kind of never reached back. It's just my nerves. But yes, I have photographed other people before.

But then the pandemic happened and you started taking pictures of yourself.

Right. I was watching this photographer, Brooke Shaden. If you don't know her, you should check her out. She does a lot of self-portrait work. She's a bit of a hippie; she's very “I don't believe in spending thousands of dollars on a shoot, finding the perfect location, getting all these models, lighting and all that.” She just uses, or used to just use, only natural light, and would photograph herself in her home. During lockdown, I watched all of her videos on YouTube, got inspired, and that also helped with my work.

I do think it's kind of hilarious that you were too shy to get models, and your solution was nude self-portraiture, something I do not associate with shy people.

Yeah, I guess it's because they're not the type of nudes that you would see on OnlyFans or something like that. I manipulate them so much. For example, I made one with all these roses coming out of me, which wouldn't necessarily be considered sexy or anything like that.

Oh yes. You’re making emotional works of art, instead something for, say, a dating app. What is it that interests you so much in self-portraiture?

I just have all these ideas in my head, thoughts that I want to transform into an image. And I think that using the human figure is better than doing a landscape shot or something. And again, the figure is me because I’m too shy to ask other people. And the figure is nude because I feel like clothes are distracting. I have tattoos and I edit those out, too. I want the focus to be on me and whatever's going on around me, not necessarily on what I'm wearing.

That makes sense. Your work is extremely vulnerable in a way that I really enjoy. Are you using your art as therapy?

Yes. In a way. Sometimes I make photos just for fun, but a lot of the time it is a form of therapy, and I think it's helped me appreciate myself more, love myself more. When I started doing more self-portraits, I started becoming more comfortable with myself. For example, just last year at Pride, I wore these short shorts and a see-through mesh shirt, which I would’ve never worn before. I would have been too shy to do it, too nervous or scared. But doing all these self-portraits over the past few years has helped boost my confidence and make me feel happier. I still have a long way to go, though. I'm still very shy. I'm still very, you know, but yeah.

I’m glad it seems to be helping because your work is beautiful and important.

Thank you.

Can you tell me about your typical process creating a piece?

It depends on what I'm shooting, but I mostly do it in my room. It's kind of small, but I’ve made it work. I used to have the stand for my black sheet, but it broke recently, so I just literally duct taped the sheet up. So for now I’m using that. And I have my own portable Elinchrom studio lights. I play around with the lighting and the settings on my camera to find the right light that speaks to me. My self-timer remote has been great because I only got it two years ago and I would literally walk back and forth, and hitting the shutter was really annoying. But now I just use this remote and I don't have to move anywhere.

This might sound bad, or at least it’s not how I learned it in school, but I don't take a lot of time shooting my images. I know that in professional photo shoots, you spend hours shooting something and you have thousands of images. But once I find the right image or the right couple of images, I just stop. Sometimes it's fifteen minutes, half an hour. The odd time is an hour and a bit.

I don’t know much about professional photography, but I think fast sounds good.

Yeah. I've been at shoots before where it's taken three hours. I remember one time for school, our teacher took us to this really cool theater. Our class was three or four hours and the entire time, we were shooting. And I thought, “It's cool, it's great, I'm enjoying it,” but I’d already gotten my preferred images. He kept saying, “No, you gotta keep shooting! Gotta keep shooting! You might find that one that you like even more!” Which is true, I guess, but for me personally, I just like to keep it short and sweet.

Now that the days of lockdowns are behind us, do you want your work to branch out?

This is a huge risk, so I don’t know when I'll do this or if I'll ever do it, but I would like to do more outdoor nude stuff. I follow a lot of nude artists who shoot outside and I get inspired every time I see their work. But I usually like to do the black background, and also I don't want to get caught by someone.

[laughs] Yeah, you can be naked in your bedroom whenever you want, but if you go outside, that really limits your options.

I'd have to find a really hidden spot, either go super late at night or early in the morning. We’ll see! Maybe in a few years.

Now that you are on this side of the process, what would your advice be for a new person approaching this project?

Don't overthink it. I left it until the deadline was coming up because I was just overthinking it: what to shoot, how to shoot it, if you guys were going to like it or not… I was getting worried at one point, but then I just shot what I felt in the moment. I thought, “You know what? I'll make it work.” So don't overthink it. Just go for it.

Call Number: C101VA | C103VA.floHu

My name is Rafael Flores, and I am a self-portrait photographer and artist from Canada. I create dark and surreal painterly like images that have been very therapeutic for me. I always create in the comfort of my home with my self-timer remote and my portable studio lights.