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Liz Gotauco

Interview by L. Valena

Can you first just tell me what you responded to?

I got an image, a manipulated photograph (I assume), of a bunch of kids running away from a giant monster and the monster was a sock puppet.

I love that "I assume". You assume that the photo was not documenting actual events.

Seems like fantasy, I'm open minded though.

And what did you make of it? What was your first reaction?

It definitely made me smile at first, as I think sock puppets generally do. And the idea of it being a terrifying thing that instilled fear in people. So that made me laugh. I opened it on Christmas though, and I was kind of having a pity party that day. It was kind of a bummer holiday this year. It struck me how lonely it is to be a monster. I definitely felt the humor from it, and the whimsy, but I also felt kind of bad for the monster.

Oh! You're right- it must be so lonely to be a monster! What happened next?

Well I knew I wanted to make a garment, because that's the medium that I work in. The big thing that struck me was the sock puppet at the center of it. I started thinking about the materials I could use. While it was tempting to go literal with it and make a garment totally out of socks, that was not very practical.

So what I used was more like laundry, clothing, and tried to find a whimsical look in that. And then as far as the feeling of the creature, or how I wanted to photograph it, I kind of went with that idea of the loneliness. Art photography isn't really my thing, but I tried to convey also this other feeling I was having that day, and that we're all having a lot recently. This idea of looking inside something. Since we're not together these days, we're constantly peering into each other's lives, through social media or whatever, and being on the outside of stuff. That's where the idea of this person or creature looking inside came from.

When you look at the work now, what does it say to you?

When I look at it, without just critiquing it, I think that the loneliness comes through. I'm happy with the way it came out- it's a very different type of garment for me. I think it's funny that I didn't go with the humor that I initially got from that image, because that tends to be where I want to go. But you can't feel funny every day.

Do you want to say more about that? There's a depth to this, can we get a layer deeper? Did that humor move to melancholy immediately, or was it more gradual?

Yeah, it took some time. It didn't even happen in that one viewing- I think I experienced the humor: "what a fun prompt!" And then when I returned to it later that day, then it became more about the weight of the day. Processing it and viewing it from that new lens. And that's just where my creativity wanted to come from. Because I think I could have had fun, and made a really funny crazy kind of muppety character, but that's where my heart was lying with the image that day.

Yes! I think sometimes there are things we need to process, and that's the best way to do it- just to follow the clue.

Definitely. And it being Christmas, and being a single person on Christmas- I was envious of families, and envious that this was another illustration of a time when it's hard to be a single person. Sometimes I feel like single people are kind of monsters- no one knows what to do with us. Everything on our calendar is kind of leading into connection, and of course I believe in found family and stuff, but since found family isn't really an option these days, that feeling was sticking out too.

Did you do anything special for yourself during that time?

Oh yeah, I cooked myself a really nice meal, and the night before I got to see my boyfriend, but I didn't get to see my family. We're kind of sprawling- my parents are split up, and I have a sister, but there's no way for us to keep a little bubble. So we just didn't really see each other. So it was more about treating myself to things, and that was nice.

This time is so strange. Everything is so different from what we're used to, and I think it makes all of us feel like monsters. All of our deepest fears are coming to the surface on a daily basis. It's crazy. I don't think I had thought about it that way before, but I think it's right on the money. I think most of your cosplay is about human characters, right? Have you ever cosplayed a monster before?

This Halloween I did a couple on my Instagram account. A lot of my life I've been constrained by the need to be pretty, even in my costumes. And not just because of whatever expectations are allotted to us, I'm sure that doesn't help, but because I do love creating beautiful things. But it was really fun to inhabit another side, a more scary side, and I look forward to exploring more of that for sure. I think getting older has opened that as well- I'm just not as worried about that stuff. It's so fun.

Thinking about this monster character. Do you see this as a monster that lives outside? Do they have a dwelling somewhere?

I don't know that this monster has a home, I think this monster might be a wanderer, and maybe trying to find it a little bit.

A wandering monster! We're all just wandering monsters!

I don't know if that makes the monster sadder? That they don't have a scary dwelling.

There's power in a scary dwelling. Have you ever made anything like this before? In terms of the construction of the garment itself?

I don't think so. Usually the stuff I'm making, there's a specific shape I'm seeking or a structure. I used a hoop to give it more size, but other than that I tried to let the clothes tell me what wanted to happen. I knew I wanted a mix of being able to recognize the pieces that I was using, but also not have it look like I had just put a bunch of clothes together. So that was different for me, especially since in cosplay I'm often trying to imitate other things, to try to just let things happen a little more organically, was a cool experiment.

I just had a thought- that sock puppets themselves are usually single. I mean, they certainly have a match somewhere, but usually if you make a sock puppet you make it with a sock that doesn't have a mate.

Right! If you took it from a pair, what happened to the other sock?

Do you have any advice for someone else participating in this project?

I think, don't take it too literally- it opens more fun possibilities. Don't be afraid of what it makes you feel, because I think that's part of the fun- to see where someone's heart goes.

Call Number: M31VA | M32NA.goUnti

Liz Gotauco (@cosbrarian) is a librarian, singer, and cosplayer from Rhode Island. A former theatre performer and costumer, she now spends her days recommending books to teens and creating characters out of unconventional materials. She has two black cats named Miles and Louis and can't stop re-watching The Good Place.