The Box

Denise Dynes

Interview by L. Valena

So first of all, can you just tell me what you responded to?

Yes, I received a piece of writing. It was kind of a bold manifesto about somebody saying: I am here. What I took from it is that they were in a very small invisible space and making their voice known. Saying: “this space that I'm trapped in, that you have put me in, is going to be my chrysalis. I'm going to get to turn this oppression into something that is life-giving and big.” It was very short and simple but I feel like it was a very powerful piece.

Where did you go from there?

Well, it actually fit really well with personal work that I've already been doing over the years. This idea of being in a cramped small space like that is a visual that I already use.

Oh really?

Yeah! In counseling, that visualization is just something that I have found to be really effective in my own life and healing process. That feeling of being in cramped quarters, like maybe being in a jack-in-the-box and having someone push the lid back down.

In November, I met with a friend who's a life coach and she did a really cool visualization exercise with me. She had a series of questions where I had to picture the obstacle keeping me from reaching my goals, and to turn it into an object. I pictured that cramped little box with me inside, because I had already pictured that in the past. She took me through a series of questions that brought a lot of victory to this and helped me to see it.

I saw myself in my driveway, which is kind of what I painted with that little box with myself in it in my hands. The series of questions were things like: where did this object come from? And maybe it's an obstacle. Maybe it's something bad in your life and maybe that's not where it came from. Maybe it was meant to teach you something or to help you survive. So I had to kind of reflect on these questions and throughout the time with this life coach. I was able to see that this is just something that I do in life when I feel like I need to make myself small and accommodating, make things easier. How I find myself in these cramped positions in my life that I don't know how to get out of. Once I could see that, then I had it in my hand and I was able to just say "this isn't real- it’s just a construct." And it was kind of like it became made of dirt, and I just closed my hands and crushed the box, patted the dust out of my hands and carried on.

I was able to move that into my real life. I started to notice when I would think that I needed to shrink and adapt when I shouldn't be shrinking and adapting, and to be aware of those cues. It was a really powerful visualization, and I just had that in November, so when I get this piece... I'm sure the person who wrote it wasn't picturing exactly what I was picturing. They spoke about a chrysalis and a seed, and bringing things into birth. I wasn't trying to literally paint what I read, but it felt like an invitation to go ahead and bring this healing picture into the world. So it was pretty timely.

Since I was very little I felt a little different. I think that's very common, but when you're in the shoes of feeling different it doesn't feel common at all. Even though I'm in my 40s, I still carry that with me a little bit. Even though I know I have great friends and a great community, there's always that little bit that just feels like I'm a little off. Growing up, there was just a part of me that felt chronically odd and learned how to adapt and package that in any environment that I would visit. In what space is it's okay to be odd? In what spaces did I really need to dial it down or tweak it? Living my life in this contortionistic kind of way was very tiring, and it also took a long time to even know that I was doing that.

I think it's interesting that as much healing and awareness I’ve had over the years, there's always more. Part of what has come out of that is that I create more than I ever have in my life. I think that that has been a gift of learning to accept the way that I am in the world, and the way that I see and process things. I’m also part of a community of creatives like I've never been in before. I don't know how I stumbled into this group of people, but there's a creative collective where I live and most of us that are part of the same church. It's certainly not exclusive to that, but we get together about once a month and talk about life as a creative and share whatever we're working on, whatever we're thinking of, or maybe just what's going on in our lives personally. We give each other feedback on different projects, and then sometimes we do projects together in the city. Like murals or other opportunities like that. I think that being in a creative community like that has given me a healing that I didn't know I needed. A real encouragement to just do it- paint more, draw more, do more things, and learn more. All of that kind of fits into that concept of not being crammed up inside this box in order to accommodate. Honestly, it was never accommodating others. It was just me accommodating this critic in my head.

It's crazy how much time and energy we can spend trying to curate other people's experiences of ourselves.

And it doesn't work!

Exactly! How does this relate to the rest of your work?

Well honestly painting is a relatively new medium for me. About 10 years ago, I had so many different interests that I decided to choose one focus for my creativity. I landed on public speaking. It was the exact same kind of creative process for me. I felt like there was some talk or a speech; whatever the topic was, I always felt like it already existed. I just had to throw out ideas until I found the shape of it, and the work flowed from there. The process is very similar to my other creative projects. It’s been very new to do visual art. It's been really healthy to kind of take these images that are from my mind and be able to put them together. So I guess it relates in the way that it's always working out something from my inside. I'm typically working something inside out and learning about whatever it is that I'm learning about as I'm painting it.

This piece is different in a lot of ways than any of the other work that I've done because the image was just right there in my head. I read that piece and it fits so perfectly with what I was already processing. Normally it takes me a while. I have to let things percolate, to sleep on it a while. I usually go down different rabbit holes of research learning about something to see what ties into this or that. This image was already there- it was just a matter of finding something to look at and draw the shape.

Do you have any advice for another artist who is going to participate in this project?

I love the concept of responsive art because it just keeps it alive, and my advice would be to listen. Whatever prompt you find before you, just take it in and listen to whatever comes to mind, body sensations, or feelings you have as a result. Do not overthink it and create what you want. Have fun.

Call Number: Y41PP | Y45VA.dyBo

Denise Dynes is a wife and mother of four fantastic kiddos and spends her free time painting, practicing yoga, and napping. Her creative work is often personal, coming from a rich spiritual life and a desire to learn and grow. For kicks and giggles, she works as a receptionist for a swimming pool company in Phoenix, Arizona.