Possession

Michelle Meyer

Possession, watercolour, coloured pencils, graphite and acrylic on paper, A4

Interview by L. Valena
Via email, May 12-June 6, 2023

Can you describe the prompt that you responded to?

The collage I responded to depicted a spider-human-like creature that appeared to be trapped behind bars as well as behind a mask. The broken glass in the corner appeared more like a web to me. The human element depicted looked male and naked, with multiple hands (possibly alluding to a spider form) appearing to surrender to whatever he was witnessing. It was layered and dark, with hints of weird sensuality in the nudity.

What were your first thoughts/feelings?

At first, I immediately thought my artistic response would be arachnid in nature. Spiders, webs, and some form of entrapment. The image evoked a feeling of possession. I wanted this same feeling to be mirrored in what I created.

Where did you go from there?

Initially, I played with different ideas. Spider webs. Wrists tied in rope. Obvious entrapment ideas and motifs. But I wanted to take it further and perhaps a bit more metaphorical. I brought in the theme of silence (or being silenced) and being possessed by something not human...with the distinct feeling of being unable to escape. I also wanted to touch on the sensual nature of the original piece, despite being trapped... or perhaps because of it.

Cool! With so many different possible ways to go, how did you ultimately choose a direction?

I always have a female character in my artwork and writing. Perhaps because all my art is, in a way at least, representative of some part of myself. I started drawing her and knew that she would be trapped. Initially, I had her arms tied, but then I had her cover her face instead. Recently, I have become weirdly obsessed with painting mushrooms, and have explored the theme of secrets. At first her mouth was covered by her hands, but then I wondered what it would look like if a mushroom was silencing her. The artwork took on a life of its own after that.

What happened next?

It felt to me like the girl I was painting was in a damp, mossy environment. I added the slimy texture as best I could, and then went wild with the mushrooms. In the end it felt quite different to the piece that triggered it, but yet on a deep level it evoked the same merging of human and not-human elements, and together with that, the loss of agency.

It sounds like these themes of possession and loss of agency were pretty critical to driving this process. Can you talk a little bit about what that means to you?

Sure! I think it's easier for an artist to mirror in his/her work what they have personally experienced. So yes, I have been in relationships where I have felt a complete lack of personal control and expression. I have moulded my life and personality to fit the person I'm with. Mushrooms, in this piece, are very symbolic. I think it's easier than we think to become obsessed, or even addicted, to a person or habit that ultimately consumes you. Much like both artworks – where does one being start and the other end? If I become someone else to please you, or if I am controlled or trapped, what does that mean for my own identity? Who am I then? It's interesting if you think about it: the original artwork showed a man with many hands and a mask that he could perhaps have ripped off himself. In the piece I made, the girl could likely just spit out the mushroom and walk away. Yet we stay. Why is that? I think that is a part of what both works speak to.

If you feel comfortable talking about it (no pressure), how have these themes manifested in your own life?

I've already spoken a bit about this, but from a young age I have been a people pleaser. As a child, I only wore what my mother told me to, chose the friends she wanted me to, had hobbies that she approved of. I felt as if I could only be loved if I became what "the other" wanted me to be. As an adult, this pattern naturally continued in my romantic relationships. I fell in love with abusive and controlling men. Somehow that familiar feeling of losing my sense of self for the sake of another was comforting. I still struggle to voice my own opinion and I am not always able to discern what I truly want, or if I'm doing something to please another, whether that be a spouse, boss, parent, or friend. In the end, I think we all just want to be accepted for who we really are. Healing happens when we figure out who that is.

How did you come to be an artist? What's this path been like for you?

I grew up with a father who is an incredible artist (www.alanainslie.com). While he painted, I would fiddle around in the studio with him and try to create works of my own. My love of animals and the biological world was the only thing I loved more, and I went on to study a BSc in Zoology. Soon after, my creative writing started getting published and since then I've been painting and writing simply for the love of it. I'm by no means a professional artist, and I make my living as a medical writer.

What is your relationship with mushrooms?

I am fascinated by all sorts of wild plants and animals, and mushrooms are no different. I think their underground communication and their connection to myth and metaphor is very interesting.

How does this piece relate to the rest of your work?

This piece inspired a whole series of mushroom girl paintings, and there is also a short story in the making! All my work involves blending female characters with nature in some way, whether in my art or writing.

Do you have any advice for another artist approaching this process for the first time?

Be curious and playful, and try not to overthink it. This is an opportunity to explore your creativity from a fresh, new angle. As stated in the brief, this isn't your magnum opus, so there is so much freedom to let your inner child artist free. Enjoy it!

Call Number: M72MU | M71VA.meyPo

Michelle Meyer is a writer and artist from Cape Town, South Africa. She holds an MA in Creative Writing and an Honours degree in Biological Sciences. Her body of work weaves the themes of nature, the human body, and perception in weird and magical ways.