New Love

Sandy Van Winkle

Love Growing, prose

Interview by L. Valena
July 6, 2023

Can you describe the prompt that you responded to?

The prompt I got is fabric, a variety of flowers of different sizes and colors. The small ones are kind of low and in the background, but the biggest one is the brightest one, and it's the most prominent in the work.

What were your first thoughts and feelings?

When I was looking at it, the little ones seemed kind of shy, pastel and unsure of themselves. As they become larger, the colors get brighter, they seem a little bolder, until that main bloom is the most vivid. It kind of reminded me of a budding relationship. You start out small and unsure, and then it just kind of grows and takes shape from there. That's where my head was at with this.

What happened next?

I started journaling after my husband died. It was mostly about adjusting to loss and grief, and getting my bearings for where my life was headed. As I got past that part of it, I started an “imagine journal” of more positive things. It focused on moving forward, possibilities and hope. Which is why this verse starts with, I imagine. I just took it from there, picturing the smaller flowers wondering, learning and growing. Then they get a little bigger, still unsure of themselves, until finally it's impossible to ignore what's there. That was my whole train of thought.

I love this imagery of love growing leaf by leaf, petal by petal. I think it's so interesting how different people experience love. Some people talk about love at first sight, and others talk about it as a slow burn.

Even if you're attracted to someone, you still have to build a whole relationship around that in order to see what you've got. That's where this comes in. Sometimes it happens slowly – not yet, not now. But when and how? At what point do you say something? You can hang out with someone all you want, but they can't read your mind.

Has love always felt this way to you? Have you always thought about it as a flower, or is this a new image?

It's a new image. I had been married for a very long time, to the point where I can't really imagine a whole lot about the beginning of that relationship. Now, when I see these flowers, and equate that to something beautiful like love, where it just evolves into what it ultimately will be. I would say that the flower image of love is kind of new to me.

The other thing I love in this is that idea of how the feelings get harder and harder to contain over time, and how vulnerable that is. It's terrifying.

Exactly! You do all this fact-finding and learning and becoming familiar. Softly and quietly revealing things about yourself that you wouldn't necessarily tell just anybody. Then as that element of trust comes into being, it gets where you want to say something, but you always question the timing. You just have to see it for when it happens. After a while, you just can't not reveal it. Either you say it, or you show it in something you do, but it becomes obvious. And that's where it bursts with life and light. Speaking volumes. Even these little flowers aren't saying anything, but they're saying a lot.

Ultimately, you reveal your feelings to someone, and they reveal their feelings to you. Everything ties together then. Once again, my heart is full.

Tell me more about your imagine journal.

As I got away from loss and started looking at possibilities, I kind of imagined how things will unfold. I'll meet somebody who will miss me, and will open their arms to me when I come home, and that sort of thing. There are all sorts of little scenarios in the imagine journal. It's how I'm picturing how I would like it to unfold. I'm not going to make some awkward attempt to make something happen because, in my experience, it never works. I'm going to let the universe decide. It has always dropped things into my path right when I needed them. I believe that will happen again.

I believe that too! You've participated in Bait/Switch several times now. Did this bring up any new advice you'd give to a future participant of this project?

Go with what's in your heart. Leave it to your imagination of your own personal experience, and something will come up that will relate to the prompt.

Call Number: Y106VA | Y109PP.vaLo

Sandy Van Winkle: I am a retired fire department data analyst, map maker and grant writer. My creative interests lie in watercolor and writing, but I am also an avid reader and reviewer of new fiction, particularly debut authors. My greatest creative achievement has been raising two outstanding young men who make me proud every day.