Golden

Natalie Partipilo

It was all a dream I forced myself to believe.
Her presence haunted me yet I knew nothing of her. The beauty she held somehow poisoned the others.
Don’t get too close. She began her journey without a mother.

Her roots, connected the branches to the dirt, swallowed the earth whole and created a monster, forcing her to shield the hurt. With each word her breath grew thicker and thicker. The air surrounding her was paralyzing, suffocating. Each letter rolling off her tongue gave the emptiness power, forcing her victims to shift into cowards.

Her breathing mimicked the clouds, scattered about. She could wrap you up and shape you into a memory holding you close to her heart, until realization hit, that role was never her part.

She would move in and out of the sun rays, letting the warmth hit her every single way. The secret she held was heavy, but she refused to break the levees. She could bring you in and twist your attention until the wisps of her hair, golden and fair, choked the ease and brought about strict tension.

When I woke from the dead sleep, I focused on the light streaming through my blinds. My breath seemed panicked, haze filling my eyes. Somewhere, somehow, someone had cursed me with lies. With everything I had I forced myself to just be and focus only on my own bare reality.

Interview by L. Valena

So first of all, why don't you just tell me what you responded to.

I responded to a piece of art- a painting of a blonde girl. It was a really nice painting. It took me awhile, I was a little surprised that it was going to be a painting, but yeah, it was a blonde girl. And then there was, what it seemed to me, like smoke or mist or something coming out of her mouth with a red ring around it. And nothing was completely tied to each other, but that's what I saw when I looked at the art.

Cool. And where did it take you from there?

So it took me awhile. This was the first time I've responded to someone else's art, with words. And again, I wasn't sure what the prompt was going to be. So when I got it, it really took me a couple weeks to think about it, and I would sit down and just kind of stare at the painting. I usually am the one creating the content to write about. Like I'll take a photo and write about what I took, but I kind of already have dialogue going on in my head. So when I had something else, it was very different for me, and I had to kind of look at it for 10, 15 minutes and then think about it and then kind of walk away. And my reasoning was I wanted to get that picture in my head and I wanted to think about it constantly.

So I kept going back to it and looking at it and I just wanted to have it in my head so I could think about it and have words tying to it first, like playing a picture, I guess, in my head. So, that's where it took me, and then from there I knew that the deadline was coming up and so I sat down, and usually when I write I'll be completely alone and I'll put on classical. And when I was writing about this prompt, I put on Chopin and I just started writing. I had the image on one part of my screen and my words on the other side. And I just, I don't know, the words just started coming out of me. It’s kind of weird, but I have to have pretty strong classical music on. And it kind of just leads me to words in the image. That was basically the process that I went through when writing about it.

That's cool. Do you remember what piece of music in particular you were listening to?

Let me see if I can find it here, the exact song. It's Chopin’s Prelude in E Minor, Op. 28 No. 4, performed by Janusz Olejniczak.

What is it about this song that's been doing it for you lately?

It's not too fast, it's not too upbeat. It's very neutral in mood so I can put it on and I could either feel happy or I could feel sad, depending on what I'm writing or what comes up at the moment. It's not a super dark song that will always put me into like a depressive mood. And it's not too upbeat and too happy to where that's all I'm going to write. So it's pretty neutral, in how I can just put it on. And depending on what I'm writing about, whatever comes out, just flows with the art or the thoughts that I'm thinking at that moment.

I'm actually curious about the tone of the piece you wrote. Can you just talk to me a little bit about this piece, about what you were thinking when you were writing this?

So, it was kind of difficult because, when I was looking at this painting, parts of me saw like this girl blowing bubbles, like gum bubbles, and I have a hard time writing about, not so much happy things, but more so the brighter things. I can kind of go into a darker tone. So I looked at it and I was like, the only thing I'm seeing is a blue sky and her blowing bubbles, but it doesn't look like a bubble to me. So I kind of went with like, what I've been influenced by, it kind of looks like ... I'm not really sure what the name of it is, but in Harry Potter there are these creatures and their souls come out of their mouth or something.

So, that's what it looked like to me. And because of the red circle, it kind of seemed like an evil thing to me. So I saw the red circle and then the mist, and I perceived that to be her breathing this evil spirit. So that's kind of what I based the writing on, but she's kind of glowing and the sky's blue and her hair is a little golden. So, she doesn't seem evil to me, but it seemed like it's a hidden thing that she uses against people. That's where I went with it.

So it's like this evil force that this character can use when she needs to.

Yeah, exactly.

How does this relate to the rest of your work?

It doesn't really, which it kind of put me a little bit out of my comfort zone because it was something I'm not familiar with. And I had to use that and create a story from it. I normally have a story already going and can write towards that from my own imagination. So when I got this, it kind of took me out of that mode and I had to just pull what I know and the fantasy that I've seen or read and apply that to it, if that makes sense.

Totally. And how did it feel to do that?

I was kind of nervous at first because I was like, what if I can't come up with anything? It would have been the first time I wouldn't be able to express myself through writing! But I just had to give myself a little time to kind of put the image into my imagination and work with it, I guess. But it made me nervous and it kind of excited me at the same time because it was a challenge that I could overcome and see what I could do in the future with things like this.

Yeah, getting out of your comfort zone is totally what this project is all about. And that's why we keep it such a short time frame, because we want people to jump into the pool and try something out that's weird, and then to get out of the pool, you know?

Exactly. And I'm so glad too, because I can set deadlines for myself, but at the same time, no one's holding me accountable for it. So I could just be like, well, I need another month! So it was good for me to actually be like, no, I have two weeks. And I took all the time I could until I was like, all right, I have to do this. But then that's where the music comes into play, is that I just put it on and I stare at the photo with the music. It all kind of creates this story for me that I could put down on words.

That's very cool. It’s almost like you were responding to two things. And now Chopin is involved in this web as well!

Yeah. It's just with all the ... I don't want to be negative, but all the music that's coming out, it doesn't connect to me in any kind of creative, artistic way. And so it's very difficult for me to even listen to music right now. So I've gone back and I just listen to things that don't have any content, so that I can create myself. And I mean, some people can't listen to classical music because it drives them crazy. But it kind of puts me in this mentality of everything is moving like a movie. You know, those movies you'll watch and there's nothing happening, but there's music playing, that puts you in the mood and you can visualize like emotions and stuff like that. So I've just been kind of staying in that zone with just putting on a playlist and listening to all this music that you wouldn't normally listen to on the radio or with friends. So, it's good for me right now.

What advice would you have for someone else doing this project?

I would say step out of your comfort zone. Give yourself that feeling of being scared and being nervous, like, oh no, I'm not going to be able to do this and play with that. Become friends with that feeling. And then once you become friends, there's nothing to be scared of. So I think you just have to jump into it, and not be scared, but be scared at the same time, and just let your creativity come out of it. I mean, some people try and force it really hard to be creative, but if you just let your mind do the creativity or do the work, then it'll speak for itself.

Anything else that you want to say about this piece or about this experience?

So I will say, when I started at the photo for two weeks, I wrote it, I sent it off, and I told my boyfriend about the project that I was working on and I let him read it. And he was like, "You just wrote a piece about Cersei from Game of Thrones." And I don't know if it was just subconsciously. Like, I had been watching it from season one to season seven, I watched them all before I wrote the piece. And then I wrote the piece and he was like, "You basically just wrote about Cersei." He's like, "Read it again." And so I read it after he said that, and I was like, "Ah, I don't know if I like that. I don't know if it's weird."

I actually haven't seen Game of Thrones. What was that character's name?

Cersei, she's like one of the main terrible people. And it just, she manipulates people, she uses her power and her beauty against other people. So after reading it, I was like, "Oh man, it does sound like that." But it wasn't my intention at all.

Well, let the record show that it was a total coincidence, which is cool. We love coincidences.

Yeah. Not my intention at all.

Call Number: C26VA | C30PP.paGo

[Editor’s Note: This is the end of this particular branch of the Cyan tree/stream. You can read more about our pruning initiative here. If this artwork/interview inspired some creative movement in you, and you would like to create a response to re-seed this branch, we would be psyched to have you! Just push the button below to get started.]